


I've Made a Huge Mistake

by anephemeralmind



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Meet-Cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22604149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anephemeralmind/pseuds/anephemeralmind
Summary: ‘i’m egging your house for a dare but your parent is a cop and they’re yelling at me so i told them that you were my ex and you wronged me and now you’re coming outside and please go along with this i don’t want to go to jail’Armie is gonna fucking end up in jail, he just knows it.
Relationships: Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer
Comments: 67
Kudos: 196





	I've Made a Huge Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> There was [this list](https://mraculous.tumblr.com/post/148950146365/weve-all-heard-of-the-fake-dating-trope-but-have) of funny and different fake dating prompts on tumblr way back, and I saved the page in my bookmarks, and stumbled across it again recently, and, well, here we are.

Armie was never one to back down from a dare, no matter how fucking stupid it might be – he’d fucking do it. Egging the house down the street barely fucking ranked on his list at this point, he’d done way worse than that.

Like that one time he’d been dared to call his dad – who was on a business trip in China at the time – to tell him that he’d wrecked his Bentley while getting Taco Bell at 3 in the morning.

Needless to say, his dad failed to see the humor in that, and Armie had been grounded for a week.

Which honestly hadn’t been so bad, his dad seemed to forget that grounding someone really wasn’t the same these days as it was when he’d been a child, because all this did was give Armie an excuse to stay in and binge-watch Netflix all day.

But that’s besides the point, the point is – Armie does not back down from dares.

Even though the house in question belongs to the local police chief – and the only reason his friends had chosen that particular house had been to get him to _finally_ back down so that they could say they’d beaten him – Armie was gonna fucking do it.

It’s already close to 1 am, on a Tuesday, and Armie is secretly hoping that everyone inside will be fast asleep, so that he can just throw the eggs and make a run for it – and then pretend to be surprised when his mom gossips about it over breakfast some time later in the week.

Nick, Ashton and Tyler followed him to make sure he’d actually go through with it, because somehow, after all this time, and all the dares he’d gone through with, they still fucking doubted him – Rude, to be honest.

The first egg hits the front door dead on, Nick lets out a loud whoop that gets cut short as Ashton immediately covers his mouth and glares at him like he’d just cursed in church.

The next couple of eggs hit the wall, and slowly droop down into the flowerbeds. Then, the unthinkable happens, and he accidentally hits a window. Luckily, only the egg breaks, but, suddenly there is a face in the window staring right at him with a frown – and then the front door swings open before Armie has the chance to even _think_ about running.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Chief Chalamet shouts at him, and Armie finds himself staring wide eyed back at him since his brain seems to have decided to just, shut the fuck down.

“Tell me, why the fuck would you come to _my_ house, at 1 in the fucking morning, and throw eggs at it? Do you not know who I am?!” He’s never heard the chief curse quite this much, and in any other situation Armie would find it hilarious as fuck, right now though, he’s still just standing there, wide eyed, with a brain that’s decidedly _not_ being helpful.

He can see the chief’s son watching them from the window, and before Armie even has the chance to think about the consequences of what he’s about to say, he’s already opened his fucking mouth and said it.

“Your son is my ex-boyfriend, and he broke my heart, so this is payback!” It’s only a goddamn miracle that Armie manages not to flinch as his brain catches up to what just happened, why couldn’t he just have said fucking anything else?!

Literally, anything would be more believable than fucking _that._ Why the fuck would he go for the lie that would be the easiest to disprove? The guy might not even be fucking gay! Literally all it would take was for Chalamet’s son to say he’d never fucking dated him, and Armie would be screwed. 

Armie can faintly hear Nick guffawing behind him, Ashton still covering his mouth by the sound of things, and chief Chalamet stares at him as if he’s suddenly sprouted a second head.

“ _What?_ ” The chief takes his eyes off Armie and looks towards the window, where his son is still watching them. “Timothée, get your fucking ass out here, right now!”

Chief Chalamet’s son, Timothée, apparently, is unfairly cute where he stands in his pajamas, with his hair standing up in every possible direction, and Armie can feel his fingers itch with the desire to run through those curls to see if they’re just as soft as they look.

Which, this is so not the fucking time for _that_ – he’s about to get fucking arrested!

“Yeah, dad?” Timothée says with a light smile, “What’s up?”

“What’s up?!” The chief snorts, gesturing towards Armie. “This guy is saying you broke his heart, is that true?”

Armie has never wanted to be telepathic more than in this very fucking moment, if he could just send like, a telepathic DM to Timothée right now and get him to play along, maybe he wouldn’t have to go to jail.

Surprisingly, Timothée nods, looking down at his feet, hunching his shoulders to appear smaller. “Yeah, I – uhm… I really fucked up.”

“Oh for fuckssakes, Timmy. What did you do?” The chief sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, and Armie feels his brain stop functioning again, because what? Timmy’s playing along, and the chief is buying it?

He’s not gonna have to go to jail? What?!

“He forgot his birthday!” Nick shouts from behind him, and Armie startles, almost having forgotten his friends were still there watching everything.

“You… Forgot his birthday.” The chief deadpans, and Timmy nods sadly.

“Yes, it was… Last week.” Timmy lets out a deep breath, looking over at Armie, who just barely manages to not look surprised at the fact that Timmy actually knows when his birthday is.

“I waited for him all day.” Armie says, playing along, and looking over at Timmy, trying his very best to appear heartbroken. “At first I thought that maybe, you know, it’d be like a surprise party or something. But no, and then he just… You know, I even texted him, asking if he wanted to go out and do something, but he…” Armie trails off, having no idea how to continue the lie from there, this had already gone way beyond his wildest imagination.

“I said I was too busy studying for the upcoming Psych test.” Timmy whispers, and he sounds so ashamed that for a second, Armie almost believes him – before he remembers that this is all a fucking lie to keep him out of prison.

Damn, Timmy is a good actor.

“I have the same fucking test!” Armie shouts, he doesn’t even take Psych classes, but the chief doesn’t need to know that. "You could have at least suggested we'd study for it together. I mean, Timmy, come on, it was _my birthday._ "

“I know!” Timmy sighs, rubbing his eyes, before looking over at Armie, giving him a lewd once-over before shaking his head. “It’s just… I can’t fucking focus around you.”

“Oh Christ, Timmy, I don’t need to listen to this.” The chief groans, turning on his heels and walking back inside, only slamming the door a little behind himself.

Leaving Timmy and Armie standing there alone – if you disregard Armie’s friends, who are still standing there, watching the whole thing unfold like it’s the best soap opera known to man.

“Uhm.” Armie starts, scratching the side of his nose. “That was… Uhm. Thanks for that, I –”

“It’s cool, man. No worries.” Timmy laughs, shrugging his shoulders with a playful grin,“After all, not every day you get to pretend to have dated the hottest guy in school.”

“Wanna make it real?” Once again Armie’s mouth speaks without permission, but this time, he doesn’t really mind. He just really fucking hopes Timmy is going to say yes, if not, if he gets rejected _now_ , he’d fucking rather have been thrown in jail.

Timmy frowns, seemingly searching Armie’s face for any signs of his offer being a joke, but Armie has never been more serious about anything in his life. “Yeah, yeah why not.”

“Cool.” Armie grins, feeling a light blush warm up his cheeks. “Meet you in the parking lot tomorrow after class?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you there.” Timmy smiles, before following his dad inside – Being much more careful when closing the door behind him.

“How, in the fuck, did you manage to turn _that_ disaster into getting a fucking date?!” Nick sounds beyond impressed, while Tyler just snorts and mutters something under his breath, Ashton just sticks to shaking his head and laughing.

Armie shrugs, looking back over his shoulder to find Timmy watching them from his window. When Armie waves at him, Timmy immediately pulls his curtains closed, making Armie grin. Even from there Armie could tell that his face was burning red from embarrassment, god, he was fucking adorable.

“I don’t know, just lucky I guess.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to Timmy's fictional cop father for making him curse like a sailor. But also, not really. 
> 
> I hope you had fun reading this silly little thing ❤️


End file.
